In It Together

Overview

Millions of people worldwide are coping with depression. Whether it’s you, a family member, a friend or a partner—odds are depression affects your life. Even so, many of us don’t know what to do when it hits someone we care about. JoEllen Notte challenges the preconceived notions that keep us from showing up for each other in a meaningful way and offers strategies for supporting each other and ourselves when depression comes calling. Challenging the notions that tell us "that's not my business" or "they probably don't want to talk about that," In It Together equips readers to navigate depression alongside the people they care about. Informed by interviews with over 200 people coping with depression and featuring practical tips and real-life examples, In it Together is an insightful and much-needed guidebook for people with depression and those who love them.

Reviews

“In It Together is a must-have resource for anyone experiencing depression and for the people who love someone struggling with depression. JoEllen Notte does an amazing job of challenging common misconceptions about mental illness, uncovering the obstacles in the ways of helping those in need of support for their depression, and offering numerous practical tools for how to get on the same teams with someone coping with depression. There’s even a cheat sheet (which is really an entire chapter) on what to say and not say when communicating with a loved one going through depression. JoEllen Notte takes on a difficult and often avoided topic with practical wisdom, candor, and humor. I highly recommend this book!”—Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“In It Together is a loving, transparent book that gave me skills to meet my loved ones halfway, in a healthy place. So many of us are managing depression, so how do we stay good to each other when we all have needs? JoEllen writes like a friend, vilifies no one, and focuses on how we can give ourselves a break. It’s an incredible guide for better relationships. I want to buy a copy for everyone I know. Am I allowed to say I laughed and had so much fun reading about depression? Read this book and you’ll feel seen—and you’ll walk away with a real-life guide to helping loved ones without sacrificing your own mental health.”—Meredith Goldstein, Boston Globe Love Letters advice columnist, podcast host and author of Can’t Help Myself

“There is undeniably no one else writing about the effects of depression on relationships with such a depth of understanding and perspicuity than JoEllen Notte. A trailblazer in the world of mental health advocacy, JoEllen expertly shepherds us past the isolating and confusing world depression inhabits within our loved ones. This is an empathetic manual on how to create and maintain loving, supportive, healthy relationships.”—Elle Chase, author of Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life
 
“In It Together is a must-read for anyone who loves someone with mental illness. This easy-to-read handbook for how to show you care about someone with depression is overflowing with honesty, concrete suggestions, and outright hope. JoEllen writes with unquestionable authority on the subject, both as someone who has surveyed and interviewed hundreds of people with depression, and also as someone who has wrestled tenaciously with the voices in her own head. Through personal stories, forthright suggestions, and even “cheat sheets,” she lays out a vision for what healthy, productive relationships might look like, and also provides specific steps for how to get there. If you have a loved one with depression, you may often find yourself asking what to do, what to say, and how to help. In It Together is a powerful, timely and helpful answer to these questions.”—Michael J. Scholtes, author of Darkwater: A Pastor's Memoir of Depression and Faith

“JoEllen has a unique way with words and is able to convey her points in a way that often leaves a lasting 'zing'—in the very best way. She makes an impression and a lasting impact, and she can artfully intertwine snark with candor in a way that facilitates a quick connection with her audience, whether it be in-person or online. JoEllen recently has been tackling, researching, and writing about sex and depression, specifically how to navigate the unpredictability of mental illness while partnered, and is giving millions of people access to a trusted resource who not only understands them, but also wants to help reframe their experiences.” —Anne Hodder, ACS, Founder and Lead Educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education

“JoEllen Notte began an important conversation about mental health and sexual health when practically no one was talking about it. She has led the way in expanding public dialogues about the intersection of these very important issues with her thoughtful writing and presentations based on her groundbreaking original research. JoEllen dared to speak about a topic no one else would and has changed the way we think about sex and depression. Her work is, quite simply, invaluable." —Tristan Taormino, sex educator, host of Sex Out Loud Radio, and author of Opening Up

"JoEllen Notte takes taboo subjects, sex and depression, and makes them approachable for anyone ready to take the journey. With her wit, empathy, and knowledge, JoEllen makes it safe to people to explore their deepest pleasures and their biggest fears." —Shadeen Francis, MFT

“JoEllen’s work is a true gift to us all. The impact of depression and mental health on sexuality is a vitally urgent topic and JoEllen is bravely and brilliantly leading the conversation. JoEllen’s own immense intelligence is matched by her dedication to gathering the stories and data from thousands of people affected by depression. She asks bold questions, gathers compelling research and then offers us effective strategies and resources. I know I am among a legion of sex educators, therapists and wellness professionals ready and eager to recommend JoEllen’s upcoming book to our audiences. Her writing is relevant for all of us, but is revolutionary for the millions of us that both struggle with mental wellness and want a vibrant healthy sexuality. Our interview with JoEllen has emerged as one of our most popular and provocative episodes. We still receive emails about it years later, revealing the need and hunger for her work.” —Chris Maxwell Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com

“JoEllen Notte is one of my favorite sex ed writers. I read what she has to say because not only does she tackle two of the most sensitive topics in our culture - sex and depression - but Ms. Notte informs and educates readers using her delicious wit. This makes the tough parts accessible; not easy to do with an often challenging subject. I appreciate the tips, knowledge, and advice she shares and one can easily see she is an expert on the topic.” —Lanae St. John, sexologist, author of Raising Sex Smart Kids, TheMamaSutra.net

“JoEllen is making it possible to talk and think about sex and depression in new ways. Depression can affect every aspect of a life, including, perhaps especially, sex. Through her outspoken advocacy, and independent, ground breaking, research, she is shining a light on an issue that affects millions.” —Jacq Jones, sex educator, owner of Sugar

"JoEllen's writing is a combination of heartfelt experience and deep insight, presented in a way that will leave you moved and sometimes chuckling to yourself. This book is full of wit and emotion, and, just as important, equally full of relevant practical approaches and advice. I'll be adding this book to my ‘highly recommend’ list." —Stephen Biggs, registered psychotherapist and sex educator

Author Biography

JoEllen Notte is a certified sex educator, writer, speaker, sexuality researcher, and mental health advocate. She is the author of The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having, and blogs at The Redhead Bedhead. Her work has been published by the BBC, Glamour, Bitch Media, xoJane, and Kinkly.