Playing Fair

Good news! You can leave the constraints of monogamy behind, and step into the delightful possibilities of polyamory and open relationships. By understanding and practicing nonmonogamy, you can live to the limits of your romantic and erotic desires, while building networks of relationships that nourish and challenge you. But it's a lot harder than it looks, and living openly will test you. Are you able to navigate discussions of jealousy with responsibility and care? Can you reject self-sabotaging patterns of selfishness and deceit? Will you employ your strength and confidence to meet the emotional needs of multiple connections? If you’re looking to rise to the occasion, then this is the book for you! Within, you'll learn the skills and tools you'll need to navigate conscientious nonmonogamy and find your way to your fantasies.

"In my 30 years of nonmonogamous relationships, I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make. I wish I’d had a book like Playing Fair to get me going in the right direction all those years ago.” —Franklin Veaux, co-author, More Than Two and The Game Changer

"Pepper’s direct yet compassionate guidance provides apt compensation for the short shrift our society often gives men in terms of self-awareness, empathy, and relationship communication. This book should be required reading for all straight or bi men seeking healthy relationships of any kind!” —Cunning Minx, creator, the Polyamory Weekly podcast

"Nonmonogamy has needed this book and didn’t even know it. Pepper Mint offers gentle and frank advice for men who date women on how to ethically navigate nonmonogamy while being aware of power structures and gendered social norms. By addressing and guiding the reader through complex emotional labor, Playing Fair models how to be a supportive partner to women while being supportive to the reader." —Kitty Stryker, editor, Ask: Building Consent Culture

"A must-read book for the nonmonogamy community and those considering a foray into our world. As a woman who dates men, I may start requiring Pepper Mint’s book of suggestions, detailed empathy-building opportunities, and tips for mutually satisfying sex to future partners!” —Katie Klabusich, writer, speaker, and radio host

"Everything you ever wanted to say to the single cis/het guy crashing the play party.” —AV Flox, sex tech and science journalist, the LA Times, Village Voice, LA Weekly, Vice, and Gizmodo

"Pepper has, perhaps more than most, thought long and hard about how All This Stuff works. Here he addresses men looking to successfully do polyamory, and such people will find this book very rewarding. But so might anyone interested in excellent analysis of how any flavor of relationship works, because this book is not merely a set of rules (‘do these steps and everything will work’) but also goes deeply into the real-world contexts that generate the considerations offered here. It’s not just the what, it’s the why behind the what. Read this book to understand the why, and the ‘what’ steps follow naturally.” —Barry Smiler, BmorePoly

"Whether you’re new to nonmonogamy and trying to chart a course or an old hand trying to find a better route to your destination, Playing Fair is a brilliant road map for a more conscientious approach to ethical nonmonogamy.” —from the foreword by Kevin Patterson, creator, Poly Role Models and author, Love’s Not Color Blind

Pepper Mint is an activist, educator, and community organizer in the polyamory and BDSM communities in San Francisco.